1. Sit arse on chair and don’t get up.
2. Frown lots.
3. Drink too much coffee and eat too much cheese.
4. Go back to the kitchen and make another piece of toast.
5. Editing is more interesting with a glass of wine.
6. It takes years to finish a bloody book – I tell you, YEARS!
7. Your mind is sacred; your body is best left inside clothes; your emotions in check; your energy for the keyboard.
8. In other words: no distractions; no sex; no falling in love; no exercise.
9. Money? Ha!
10. Spend hours tapping a keyboard and talking to yourself.
11. Don’t talk to me. Don’t breathe near me. Please close the bloody door.
12. School holidays again? Fuck.
13. Did I really tell that total stranger my most dark personal secrets?
14. Writers are a bit bonkers.
15. Writing makes you more bonkers.